


Basorexia

by tattooed324b21



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Marijuana, Smoking, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7273807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooed324b21/pseuds/tattooed324b21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basorexia: a strong craving or hunger for kissing.</p><p>(Now with two endings!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first times, she was able to stop herself. They're in art class, and Maya is working effortlessly, while Riley has worn down her entire eraser in twenty minutes.

"May I use your eraser?" She asks, looking over at Maya. Maya shakes her head, not wanting to lose concentration. "Wait." She murmurs. Riley frowns slightly. Not that she cant use it immediately, but that Maya barely seemed to know she was there.

She placed her hand over Maya's, making her stop and look at her. "Please?" She says quietly, and in that moment Maya swears Riley knows what shes doing to her.

Maya finds herself leaning forward, her eyes focused her best friends lips. All she can think is _kiss her_. As soon as she snaps out of it, she hands Riley her eraser. "Here." She says quickly. Riley thanks her and gets back to work. Even though nothing has really changed, Maya feels every structure inside of her falling down. Her heart crumbles in a pile of rubble in her chest.

The second time, Riley notices.

Theyre alone in the bay window. It's 3 am, and she's crying in Rileys arms. She doesnt ask whats wrong, just comforts her. But Maya doesnt stop because shes crying about Riley and she's crying on Riley and she wants to talk to Riley about it and she cant stop. And maybe an hour passes, or maybe just 5 minutes. But Maya finally calms down, so Riley tries to talk to her.

Riley lifts her faces and presses their forheads together, trying to get Maya to look at her, but she wont open her eyes.

"Please look at me." Riley begs, stroking her cheeks. This is definitely the worst shes ever seen her, and shes worried something truly awful has happened. Maya felt like shes drowning and she gasps desperately for air, but she doesnt open her eyes. Shes knows looking at her will replenish her air supply, and she doesn't want to rely on her for that. She keeps taking and she has nothing to give in return. If she keeps relying on Riley to make her feel better, eventually she's gonna make her feel worse.

"Look at me, why wont you look at me?" Riley pleads, and she gasps through her tears. And Maya doesn't want her to worry, so she does. The second she gets a glimpse of Rileys flushed cheeks and tearful eyes filled with worry, she leans forward, and doesnt stop herself until their lips have grazed. Her entire body sparks and she jerks back. Theres no way Riley didn't notice that. She leans her forehead against her best friends and both of them stop crying, the only sound filling the room bow is their jerky breathing. She knows she noticed. And she cant bring herself to move. If she moves, the moments over, and something else has to happen. But as long as she doesn't move, they're temporarily suspended in time. So they lean against each other, and they breathe each other in as if it's there last possible time.

But eventually Riley grows tired, and Maya leads her to bed with careful hands. She crawls in next to her and they lay together in silence for awhile, until Maya is sure she's fallen asleep. She eases out if the bed and is almost to the window when a raspy "Wait." Stops her halfway through. She turns around and Riley is looking at her, watching her. She stays frozen for awhile, until it's unbearable, and makes her exit.

The third time, she does it. At the worst possible time.

Junior year. Two years after what she now refers to as "A taste of heaven", and about one year and 11 months after Lucas choosing Riley. It hurt, sure. But it was more the rejection, not the 'Lucas' of it that hurt. Everyone would always choose Riley over her. Why not? She's damn beautiful. So damn kind. So damn... Everything. Or everything she wanted.

They were at a party, hosted by the one and only, Farkle. He quickly realized in sophomore year that parties would be a quick rise to popularity with his traveling parents and wealthy household.

Maya spent her time with the older kids, drinking, and drinking, and drinking. At some point she ended up in Farkles bedroom, along with some other kids who appeared as intoxicated as she was. Someone in the room rolled up and blunt and at some point it ended up in Mayas hands. This was definitely the most fucked up shes ever been.

Suddenly, a crying Riley bursted through the door. At this point in there high school careers, everyone knew Riley and Maya were the friends to leave be, so everyone cleared out except for Maya. Riley crashed right into her arms, a sobbing and blubbering mess. Maya instinctively started to stroke her hair and mentally begged her brain to stop being so cloudy so she could care for her friend. "Oh god." She murmurs as she feels a fit of laughter bubbling in her stomach. It rises to her throat and soon she cant hold back. She explodes with laughter and Riley lets go of her to give her a look.

"Aww, oh no. Whats wrong?" Maya asks, smiling. "Missy's here, and she's showing a bit more than leg this time." Riley answers. Maya explodes into another fit of laughter and falls back on the bed, practically convulsing. "It's fine. Just, it's fine. Just, Lucas will never go for her, and you _know_ this." She says when she calms down. She reaches over to Farkles nightstand and picks up a cup. "H-here." She hiccups. "Everything will be better once you get a few of these in you."

Riley sniffs the drink and concurs it cant be too strong based on its sweet smell, and drinks the entire cup.

It takes her four drinks and one trip to see Farkle for her to realize over times he's become some kind of genius drink maker and theres way more alcohol in her cup than she thought.

Riley and Maya fall back on his bed, laughing. Everyone else has returned to the room and theres another joint in rotation. When it gets to Riley, Maya promptly takes it from her. "This is your first time, let me show you how." She says. She places her hand on Rileys face and squeezes so that her lips are puckered. "Stay like that, and when i blow, you suck." She explains. Riley nods and she releases her face from her grip. Maya takes a long drag from the joint and lets the smoke sit in her for a minute, smiling, before lightly blowing into Rileys face. Most of the smoke actually makes it past her lips and Mayas impressed. "What do you think?" She asks. Riley smiles and nods at the feeling as smoke slips put of her mouth. Maya attempts to hand the joint back to her, but she shakes her head.

"I like it better coming from your lips." Riley says lowly. Maya smirks at her comment. "Theres a more effective way, you know." She says. She inhales again and this times presses her lips to Riley and blows. Riley smiles on her mouth as the smoke fills her. She hums in satisfaction when Maya moves away before exhaling through her nose.

Eventually Maya doesn't have to use the smoke as an excuse to kiss her, and they're messily making out on Farkles bed. At some point every one else in the room cleared out so they don't hold back. Mayas hands grip desperately at her best friends waist and grinds her down on her hips. Their shoes come off, then shirts, tossed carelessly into a random corner of the room.

And then Farkle enters. His jaw drops in absolute shock. They pull apart immediately but they're still smiling, still stuck in the clouds with no intentions of coming down any time soon. "I shouldve known drunk Riley would be bad." Farkle says and he scrambles over to their pile of clothes and tosses it to them. "Riley, put on your shirt. Maya, get in the closet!" He exclaims. Maya does as she's told and the door shuts behind her just as Lucas enters the room.

"Oh! Lucas!" Riley says, surprised. She sits on her knees in the middle of the bed with messy hair and her shirt halfway over her."Riley! Ive been looking all over for you. What are you doing up here?" He asks. Riley smiles and laughs. "She was laying down to clear her head. She drank tonight." Farkle lies for her. She smiles and nods, not trusting herself to speak without saying something stupid that'll give her away. "I was just telling her she could crash here if it doesn't clear up." He continues. Lucas nods and pats Farkles back. "Cool. I'm taking off, your parties get weird after midnight." He walks over to the bed and presses a quick kiss to Rileys cheek before leaving. Farkle promptly walks over to the closest and releases a giggly Maya.

"You're in the guest room." Farkle says, pointing an accusing finger at Riley. She gives him an innocent smile , clearly still not understanding the gravity of the situation.

But she does understand when she wakes up. It isn't the first thing she thinks of, thats the pounding in her head, but she gets it when she remembers why she has this headache. Through memories of smoke, she sees her and Maya on Farkles bed. She goes to Farkles room to see if Maya's in there, but the room is empty.

For Lucas' sake, they don't ignore each other. So they just never talk about it. Farkle keeps his mouth shut, and it's stored away in the back of everyones minds. It isn't important anymore.

Until Farkle has another party.

This times when he finds them, they aren't just kissing, they're moaning. Instead of stopping them, Farkle convinces Lucas to go back downstairs and look for Riley there. He doesn't make them sleep in separate rooms, so when they wake up, they have to face each other. The first words out of Mayas mouth are, "We can't tell Lucas."

"We didn't tell him the first time, did we?" Riley says, rubbing her head. Maya sits up and groans at the pounding headache in her skull. "So," she starts slowly. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

Riley scratches the back of her neck. "What's there to talk about?" She says eventually. "We make stupid decisions when we're drunk."

Maya nods quickly and gets out of bed. "Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go. See you later." She says quickly. She struggles pulling on her clothes with her head hurting this much but she manages and gets out of the room as quickly as possible.

And she's heartbroken, so she faces a bottle for comfort. And when she faces a bottle and a party, she wakes up facing Riley the morning after. And it happens that way for the rest of their high school careers. No one ever tells Lucas, but they never stop. And Maya starts looking forward to the parties, even thought every morning after she hates what happened and she hates herself. And Farkle never says anything because its all a bit too tricky for him.

 

(And anyone with eyes can see he doesn't want to be the bearer of bad news to Lucas, the person he loves most)

The fourth time, she hates it.

Sophomore year of college. Maya finally comes out as a lesbian. "I knew it." Lucas says. Riley smiles and gives her a hug, and Farkle nods with an 'I knew it' type grin. Her and Riley share a small two bedroom apartment and all is well for them. Mayas dating a beautiful girl she met at a coffee shop (because thats not gay) and Riley and Lucas, while on and off, are currently going strong.

Or so it seems.

Riley quietly enters the apartment, assuming her roommate is asleep, and tiptoes into her room to check on her. Maya lays awake in the center of her bed, so deep in thought she doesn't notice Rileys presence until she's getting into her bed.

"Riley, what are you-" she's promptly cut off by a pair of lips on hers and her souls erupts with pleasure. It's something she never thought shed get while sober. But this kiss is desperate and needy and something isn't right, so she pulls away.

"Is something the matter?" She asks. "No, of course not. Its just, I'm tired of pretending that you don't mean something to me. Something more than a friend." Riley admits. And it sounds like heaven, until she notices Rileys breath.

"Are you drunk right now?" She asks, holding Riley away from her. She shakes her head. "Theres a difference between having a few and being drunk." She tries to reason. Maya gets up and turns on the lights. "Get up. Walk in a straight line." She demands. Riley is startled by the anger in her voice, but she gets up and tries her best.

"Oh, fuck me." Maya mumbles when Riley trips, and rushes over to catch her.

"I'm sorry." Riley mumbles into her hair. Maya rolls her eyes and helps her to her feet. "Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't love you." Riley says. Maya nods as she carries her to her room. "I know baby." She comforts. She lays Riley in her own bed and starts to undress her. "But do you? Do you really understand?" She asks desperately. Maya fights back tears and nods again. "Trust me, I know." She assures her.

"If you know, then why aren't we kissing right now?" She asks. "Because you chose him." Maya says angrily. She grips tightly at Rileys crumpled dress in her fist before throwing it to the ground. "Sure, drunk you choose me, but sober you choose him. You choose him sober every single day. I'm not gonna lie to myself that one day it'll be me sober. Because it wont be."

Riley sits up and wipes a bridge in the river of tears on Mayas cheek. "I love you. I've always loved _you_." She says. Maya nods and tucks her in.

"If you can tell me that in the morning, I'll believe you." She says, and leaves her to lay alone.

In the morning, instead of the usual, her best friend cooking the two of them breakfast in her underwear, Maya wakes up to find nothing but a note. Riley is moving in with Lucas.

The fifth time is the last time.

Its a year after Riley and Lucas moved in together. Seeing Riley and Maya together is rare now. She's drawing, when someone blocks her light. She looks up to find Riley in front of her. "Hey stranger." She smiles down at her. Maya nods her head and goes back to her drawing. Riley takes a seat next to her and they sit in silence for awhile.

"I broke up with him." Riley says eventually. Mayas breathing stops, but not her pen, still dancing across the paper. "How long for this time?" She asks bitterly. Riley sucks her teeth. "Thats fair." She mutters.

The silence again.

"What do you want?" Maya asks, finally looking at her.

"I want you to tell me I'm not too late."

Maya scoffs and tosses her scetch book aside, genuinly angry at her choice of words. "You think that's how this is gonna go down?" She asks angrily. Riley shakes her head. "No. I think I've got a lot to make up to you." She says somberly. Maya stands up and crosses her arms, looking down on her.

"A lot to make up to me? Thats not whats gonna happen. You could've told me you were figuring yourself out, and I would've understood that. But what you did instead was use me as a fucking toy anytime you had five drinks or more. And then the next morning you would tell me it was nothing, knowing damn well it was something to me. You knew every single morning. You treated me like a fuck buddy instead of a friend for months, and then you waited until I had almost, almost moved on, and you tried to pull your bull shit again. And instead of facing me in the morning when I turned you down, you left. You left with nothing but a cheap ass note to say goodbye. And now you think I'm supposed to just be so happy you finally figured yourself out, right? I'm supposed to fall into your arms and confess my undying love for you, right?"

Maya pauses for awhile and Riley almost thinks she expects her to answer, until she sighs and sits down again.

"I spent all of college getting over you, just so you could say you love me while drunk and then leave with no explanation. Do you know how you hurt me?" She asks, and this time Riley can tell she does expect an answer.

"I just- _No_. I don't know. I cant even begin to imagine what I put you through." Riley sighs.

There's the silence again and it's unbearable, so she gets up again and collects her things.

"Wait." Riley scrambles to her feet and tries to stop her.

"What? What is it that you could possibly want after all you've already taken from me?" Maya says tiredly. Riley takes a deep breath and kisses her. It's the realest one they ever share. Maya falls shamelessly into her touch and for a few short seconds, nothing matters.

"I know what I did," she says against her lips. "But I will spend the rest of my life making up for it if you just let me." She begs, clinging desperately to her. Maya smiles, almost bitterly.

"You know, I'm glad I get to get one last look at you, and I'm glad it's like this." She whispers. Riley feels her heart breaking in her chest, and Maya just smiles before walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Check out my tumblr tatooed-324b21)


	2. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have two reasons for creating an alternative ending. While the main one is I literally break my own heart when I reread it and also break everyone else's, I feel like the theme of the last story wasn't conveyed well. Riley is struggling to come to terms with her sexuality, suffers from depression, and basically hides behind Lucas. With the story being told mainly from Mayas point of view I didn't really convey that too well. So this includes a little look into Rileys mind. With that being said, please enjoy :)

Alternate Ending

  
Sophomore year of college. Maya finally comes out as a lesbian. "I knew it." Lucas says. Riley smiles and gives her a hug, and Farkle nods with an 'I knew it' type grin. Her and Riley share a small two bedroom apartment and all is well for them. Mayas dating a beautiful girl she met at a coffee shop (because thats not gay) and Riley and Lucas, while on and off, are currently going strong.

Or so it seems.

Riley quietly enters the apartment, assuming her roommate is asleep, and tiptoes into her room to check on her. Maya lays awake in the center of her bed, so deep in thought she doesn't notice Rileys presence until she's getting into her bed.

"Riley, what are you-" she's promptly cut off by a pair of lips on hers and her souls erupts with pleasure. It's something she never thought shed get while sober. But this kiss is desperate and needy and something isn't right, so she pulls away.

"Is something the matter?" She asks. "No, of course not. Its just, I'm tired of pretending that you don't mean something to me. Something more than a friend." Riley admits. And it sounds like heaven, until she notices Rileys breath.

"Are you drunk right now?" She asks, holding Riley away from her. She shakes her head. "Theres a difference between having a few and being drunk." She tries to reason. Maya gets up and turns on the lights. "Get up. Walk in a straight line." She demands. Riley is startled by the anger in her voice, but she gets up and tries her best.

"Oh, fuck me." Maya mumbles when Riley trips, and rushes over to catch her.

"I'm sorry." Riley mumbles into her hair. Maya rolls her eyes and helps her to her feet. "Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't love you." Riley says. Maya nods as she carries her to her room.

 

"I know baby." She comforts. She lays Riley in her own bed and starts to undress her.

 

"But do you? Do you really understand?" She asks desperately.

 

Maya fights back tears and nods again. "Trust me, I know." She assures her.

"If you know, then why aren't we kissing right now?" She asks.

 

"Because you chose him." Maya says angrily. She grips tightly at Rileys crumpled dress in her fist before throwing it to the ground.

 

"Sure, drunk you choose me, but sober you choose him. You choose him sober every single day. I'm not gonna lie to myself that one day it'll be me sober. Because it wont be."

Riley sits up and wipes a bridge in the river of tears on Mayas cheek. "I love you. I've always loved you." She says. Maya nods and tucks her in.

"If you can tell me that in the morning, I'll believe you." She says, but before she can leave the room Riley is up again.

"Listen to me. You've got to believe me. It's just, so much easier when I'm drunk. But I love you this way sober, I do." Maya tries to pull away from her grip but she just holds on tighter.

"No! You have to hear this. I'm not using you. This isn't just me getting drunk and making a mistake. You have to know that." Rileys pleading voice is what makes her stop struggling and turn to look at her.

"I am trying right now. This isn't easy for me." Tears start to form in her eyes and Maya walks her back over to her bed and sits her down.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I could-" she chokes on nothing and falls over in Mayas arms.

"Shh. It's okay. I know." She strokes Rileys hair.

Rileys sits up abruptly and wipes her tears.

"No. You don't do that. You don't have to do that."

And then it all clicks. Why they never do this sober, why it happens when they're drunk, why this can't see the light.

"You've been going through this all alone, haven't you? Riley I've been right here. Why didn't you just come to me?." Maya mentally slaps herself for not seeing what Rileys been going through all this time.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wouldn't have- I'm sorry." Maya starts to trip over her words.

"You don't have to apologize. I don't know why I'm so stupid about this." Riley groans.

"This isn't you being stupid. You're afraid of how you feel. And you've been with Lucas... You need to take some time to yourself. You need to figure yourself out." Maya encourages her. "I'll be here."

There are so many words they aren't saying but they understand each other.

For the next few weeks, Riley learns to love who she is. When she explains to Lucas why she needs time to herself, he completely understands. And even though she's single, it's the first time in a long time she hasn't felt alone.

She's visibly happier. She's Riley again.

The fifth time is the first time.

Riley walks into their apartment to quite the sight. Maya in her sweat pants and sorts bra, sprawled across the couch surrounded by a variety of snack wrappers and multiple soda cans.

"I did double the sit ups today, don't judge me." She groans, and smiles at her friend. She gets up and brushes herself off, knocking loose crumbs to the floor, before she starts to clean her mess. Riley drops the grocery bags she's carrying in the kitchen.

"I love you." Riley smiles at Maya and she passes her to put a handful of wrappers in the garbage. "I love you too." Maya returns the smile, and nods slightly as if to assure her. Riley feels her heart rate speed up and the simple gesture.

"Wait." She stops Maya from leaving by lightly grabbing her arm. Maya looks at her expectantly. She takes a deep breathe. She's been wanting to for days now, but she wanted to make sure she was ready first.

Maya notices her hesitation and puts her hand over Riley's where she's still holding her.

"I love you." Riley repeats.

"I love you too." This time the words hold more weight, and Maya tries not to let her excitement show. The last things she wants to do is pressure her if she isn't ready.

Riley slowly pulls her closer and her heart speeds up but she ignores it, and she keeps tugging until Maya is right in front her.

"Are you sure?" Maya asks, her breathe on her friends lips. Riley's eyes flash from Mayas to her lips then back up again.

"I'm sure."

As soon as the words are out of her mouth Maya is kissing her. It isn't forceful, or rushed. It's hesitant, but assuring. Because Riley is sure of herself now. She hid behind bottles before, using them to mask her personality, but now she was okay with who she was. And what she was, which is bisexual.

And she was in love with Maya. That was the hardest part to come to terms with. Taking that chance with her best friend like that originally sounded terrifying. But, at this point it also felt inevitable. Stop loving Maya wasn't an option, it never was.

When they finally break apart they both have tears in their eyes.

"Hi." Riley whispers against her lips. There's so much emotion in her voice that Maya laughs and wipes her cheek with her thumb.

"Hi."

"Are you okay?" Riley's asks when she sees a tear slip down Maya's cheek. Maya laughs again and shrugs.

"Yeah. I'm just really happy." She sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"Are _you_ okay? Are you sure? If you're not ready- I mean, you're mental health comes first, and-"

"I wish you'd kiss me instead of talking so much." Riley grins. Maya stops talking halfway through her sentence.

"I love you." Maya whispers against Riley's lips.

 

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that there's a happy ending I feel like a little bit of a sell out but idc they're happy

**Author's Note:**

> I decided the ending before I ever started writing but I lowkey wanted to change it by the time I was done. But I didnt because i love breaking hearts.


End file.
